Saturday, October 22, 2016

Ninja Warriors Ad

For when you're out of Sho Kosugi movies and want to actually BE a ninja...without putting in all the work.

Priya takes a hike

Don't worry, I'm sure she'll be back.

Revew: Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice (1992)

I'm not sure why it was that we lived and died for this series in the early 90s.  I suppose my friends and I were around the same age as the younger cult members, so maybe that had something to do with it, but we were damn near as dedicated to He Who Walks Behind the Rows as the kids in the movies themselves.  Once Fango announced there was a new one out, or we saw the poster or VHS at the video store, it had to come home with us that Friday night - no questions asked.  It didn't matter that there were a ton of better, more respected movies we hadn't seen, it was Children of the Corn first, everything else second.

I mean really, who needs to watch stuff like Halloween or Friday the 13th when Children of the Corn 2 has just popped up on VHS?

That's the end of the ramble, I promise.  There will most likely be more when I talk about the third movie later on.

So Children of the Corn 2: The Final Sacrifice (nowhere near the final one, but we all knew that even in 1992) took 8 years to come out, long after the success and interest of the original movie was forgotten by damn near everyone.  What was Children of the Corn, we of the early 90s grade school horror fan population needed to know, how could children possibly be the villains, how was Stephen King involved, and how could we convince our parents to rent us R-rated horror movies for the weekend?  These were all the questions that needed to be answered and kind of were in between pseudo-bible thumping, Predator-vision in the corn, Indian mysticism, and a handful of decent death scenes.

I know, I promised no more reminiscing.  Sorry.  On to the actual review.

Children 2 isn't a bad movie - at all.  Most of the times when you go back and watch something you loved as a child you see the flaws and the shine's gone before the first reel ends - not so with this one.  That's not to say there aren't enough flaws here - particularly the acting - but for a low-budget, DTV sequel to a movie that wasn't all that good to begin with this one really knocks it out of the park.  I can't really say what it is about the second and third movies, but something just works - the flow of the movie, the creative deaths, the weirdo preaching/religious stuff.  It just works. 

The kids overact - the main ones anyway - but that kind of adds to it.  Makes their devotion to the corn demon seem a little more real, know what I mean?  And they actually come across as creepy, particularly in scenes where they just pop up and start following people in their semi-robotic trance.  It works a lot better than modern, creepy-possessed kid stuff because it seems real.  Maybe it's the setting, maybe it's the fact that they aren't pulling weird faces or covered in makeup, but it smacks as a much realer thing than some Japanese kid crouching in a closet.  Either that or I'm an old man gone blind with nostalgia.

Probably the latter.

The death scenes, while not over graphic, are super effective.  The simplistic voodoo/nosebleed scene is still one of the more unsettling deaths I've ever seen in a mainstream horror flick, and continues to be 20 years after my original viewing.

As for acting chops there isn't much to talk about.  The always sexy Rosalind Allen (Pinnochio's Revenge, Ticks, Perfect) stars as the main characters love interest and looks great doing so, even though she's sporting a weird 90s short hairdo that looks a little silly.  Her teenage counterpart Christie Clark is also pretty cute, and another nostalgic bump that gets the movie super over in my books.

Alright, this is running a little long for the blog.  I apologize.  If you're a fan of the series or remember the video store days like I do this one will bring back a lot of great memories, and really isn't a bad horror flick even without the added nostalgia.  Decent deaths, good atmosphere, a few hot chicks, and surprisingly effective religious overtones.  Even if the first movie wasn't your cup of tea - and it really wasn't mine beyond the "OUTLANDER" yelling - give this one a shot, it's a prime example of how good DTV movies used to be.

Thursday, October 20, 2016

Kelly LeBrock - Weird Science

Zombie Hunter Poster French - that's how you know it's classy.

Can't say I've seen this modern Grindhouse-style flick, but I like Trejo, hot chicks, zombies, chainsaws, and Death Race-modded cars, so it might be worth a look.

Linnea Quigley in Boogie Boy

Yeah, I've never heard of it either, but Linnea looks cute in a Gator Bait kinda way, so that's enough for me.

Bronx Warriors Ad

Man, he looks so tough...

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Meat's meat...

This Motel Hell art is looking a little Pieces-y to me, but I dig it anyway.

Monday, October 17, 2016

Review: 1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982)

Stop me if you've heard this one.  Part of New York has been quarantined off and let run wild with gangs and criminals.  Someone important has been lost within the borders of the prison state and a lone man has been sent in to retrieve them...

Sounds a little like a John Carpenter movie, doesn't it?  It's actually a lot more like The Warriors.  And A Fist Full of Dollars.  With a little Death Wish thrown in.  Things could get complicated with all those plot lines running through the same movie - good thing it doesn't make much sense.

1990: The Bronx Warriors (1982) is an Italian exploitation movie from the director of countless other post-nuke movies Enzo G Castellari, starring "action hero" Mark Gregory, Vic Morrow (in one of his final roles), and Fred Williamson.  Strangely enough all of the above is meant to be taken seriously and precious little - that I could tell anyway - was lost in the translation.  The writer/director was looking to capitalize on the recent release of Escape from New York and The Warriors (1981 and 1979 respectively) and the result was 1990, a movie that does its damndest to smash the two ideas together.  Two ideas that should, in theory, have easily gone together.

So, what the hell happened to the story here?  It starts off with the typical Escape from New York setup, then we're introduced to costumed gangs that run the state (including one group that dresses and acts like jazz dancers, complete with top hats, canes, and the music and another that look like a field hockey team on roller skates!), then The Hammer (not Fred Williamson amazingly - he plays the leader of a sequined gang called The Tigers in little more than a cameo roll), our Snake who looks more like a tired Charles Bronson and acts like a crazed mastermind despite "not carin' about nothin'".  Along the way we also meet the hero of the picture, Trash (not Linnea Quigley), the lanky, effeminate leader of The Riders.  They'll be the closest thing we get to good guys in this picture as they embark on soliloquy after soliloquy on "growing up from the gutter", "living with death", and "being free to choose".  Wow.

Obviously this one doesn't make a lot of sense as it tries to jam a bunch of good American movies together into one bad Italian one.  Williamson is largely wasted, there's no skin, gore, decent fighting until the last ten minutes, and the whole thing just makes you wish you were watching one of the better movies it's trying to be.  I'm not even going to mention the problem of the long shots revealing traffic, daily life, and even kids playing basketball amid the desolate wasteland of the Bronx...

Normally I have no problem with foreign, low budget rip offs (and I use that term without any harshness) of more popular North American movies.  In fact a lot of times they're far more entertaining than the flicks they're imitating - this one though.  I'm not sure what happened.  Had a harsher edge been put on the film - more violence, more sleaze, non-cabaret street gangs - things might have been better.  Had more focus (and a different actor) been on the Hammer character rather than the supremely unconvincing Trash (who looked more comfortable during the cabaret scene than anywhere else in the movie) it might have made more sense.  As it is though, we're just treated to what seems like a child's take on two seminal post-nuke style pictures.  

Not recommended.

Planet Terror Ads

At least half the Grindhouse double feature was worth watching.  Man, I rewatched Death Proof the other day and what a cluster fuck of a movie that was.  Sometimes I wonder why anyone's a fan of Taratino.  No story to speak of, a full 80 minutes of dead space cinema with stilted and uninteresting dialogue from either boring or offensive female characters, one decent death scene, a wasted Kurt Russell (who was the only good thing about the flick other than the cars), Tarantino's foot fetish cranked up to 10, and the least surprising "main character kill off" in cinema history.  What a joke.

Mutant League Ad

These were some sweet games back in the day - made sports interesting for once.  Somebody should bring this series back - introduce a new generation of degenerates to "football".

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

King of Diamond

I'm probably alone in thinking this is really clever.

For those who aren't into old metal, that's Mercyful Fate frontman King Diamond.  Yeah, you get the joke now.